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Projected Future Events

Nov. 3rd, 2008 | 02:53 am
mood: apatheticapathetic
music: Ace Attorney

I'll wake up to that horrible buzzing of my cheap, wal-mart alarm clock and groan inwardly, knowing that I have exactly an hour and a half to be at work. Relieved, I will remember that a simple, lethargic smack will guarantee me fifteen more minutes of bliss. Upon my second rude awakening I'll get up and stagger my way through the apartment towards the kitchen. My work clothes that I put in the wash the previous night need to go into the dryer, grab a soda, head to the balcony. Surprisingly, the sun shines brightly into this crevice and I'll smoke my cigarette and drink my Dr.Pepper while gazing out over the Target parking lot in my boxers. I'll briefly regard my ugly toes as my gaze settles on the overflowing ash tray and I'll wait for the soreness in my limbs to subside. Deep breath, tired, maybe two cigarettes this morning before I hobble back to collect my towel, laying somewhere on the floor. I douse my face in warm water as I brush my teeth, hoping to alleviate some of the pain from the inevitable shave to come, my face still sensitive from the previous morning. Get dressed, find nametag, "I promise" pin, maybe "ovengold turkey, not technology" pin today? Na, no one sees the humor in that except for me, fuck it. Slip on my shoes, the sole is falling off, they're sill a little damp from the night before. Get in the car, twenty minutes left, exactly the amount of time I need to get to work on time. Same emo music, what about the radio? Suck, back to cd. Sunpass construction on the Sawgrass. Pull into Brookside, check the rearview mirror and make sure I have no bald spots exposed, and sigh deeply... what evils await for me today?

Perhaps I will feel ostracized, being that my rudimentary French from high school can't possibly keep up with the the fluent Creole typically spoken. Maybe the few new recruits will look to me for help, but I won't be able to, because for the most part I still don't know what I'm doing. I might be able to keep my composure around that girl that set me up, but what if I slip and speak my mind again. Maybe I can convince her friends that I'm not the bad guy... but I doubt it. Meanwhile everyone will take special care to say "hello" and smile. Not that they particularly like me, but because that's important at my job: appearances. Have any of my recommendations for the improved efficiency of the deli been implemented? Na. What kind of idiotic task will my managers assign me today and will the only other white person there be in a good mood? It's hard to tell with manic depressants. Someone will ask me a mathematical question: what's "7.50 + 2" or "15 / 3"? I will try not to appear disappointed. I will try to appear not uncomfortable as I slice a pound of impossibly thin meat without shredding it. I'll hope that I can just stay in the back and wash dishes for eight hours but that won't be an option. Somehow I will survive feeling lost, and alone, angry, jealous, and sad for that half hour break filled with raspberry tea, cigarettes, and veggie patties. Then it will be back to the slave pit, but maybe I will sneak out later for another cigarette. We will rush to finish on time, but somehow that last half hour will linger forever and pointless. After we punch out we will wait for someone to unlock the door for us and check receipts. Then it's "goodbye" which sounds the same as "hello". She will walk off without a second glance and I will pretend that I don't care. Someone will chastise me for smoking, someone else will ask me for one. Before the day is through I will be called many things: sir, baby, "not a man," pimp, buddy, mean, crazy, and sexy are some of the most popular.

Drive home and contemplate the worth of $9.00/hour. My employee review is past due. Stop at 7-11. Credit card declined? Oh, no big deal I have another one. I will look at my hands, covered in little scratches, cuts, and burns. I will check my mail for messages that can never come. I will be tired, but I won't be able to sleep...

It's not about predicting the future, I know because every day is the same.

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Oct. 29th, 2008 | 04:51 am
mood: scaredscared

The publix deli found out my secret: I'm a vegetarian :O !

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Economic and Philosophic Manuscripts of 1844 - Karl Marx

Oct. 29th, 2008 | 04:46 am
mood: tiredtired
music: Black Riders Keygen

I had to do an "informative" speech on Monday. My topic: The Evils of Capitalism

“The worker is not at all in the position of a free seller vis-à-vis the one who employs him… The capitalist is always free to use labor, and the worker is always forced to sell it. The value of labor is completely destroyed if it is not sold every instant. Labor can neither be accumulated nor even be saved, unlike true commodities. Labor is life, and if life is not each day exchanged for food, it suffers and soon perishes. To claim that human life is a commodity, one must, therefore, admit slavery.”

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Oct. 18th, 2008 | 01:23 am
mood: tiredtired
music: Boston

Where is Dammit.com?
Sean Manseau, where have you gone?

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Samantha Noir: part deux

Oct. 16th, 2008 | 12:37 am
mood: blahblah
music: Usher - You Remind Me

In the end, I didn't get what I wanted. I have to give her some credit though, at least she allowed me to expose her lie, effectively terminating our "relationship."

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Everything I needed to know in life, I learned from Pheonix Wright

Oct. 13th, 2008 | 05:34 am
mood: disappointeddisappointed
music: Usher - Let it Burn

"...They all lie from time to time. Well, even if they don't mean to lie, sometimes people just remember things wrong."

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Oct. 6th, 2008 | 06:02 am
mood: tiredabout to go to bed
music: Unwritten Law - Holiday

"Fuck You Capitalism"

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The Four Horsemen - "Cheers, to all our slutty ex-girlfriends"

Oct. 6th, 2008 | 02:04 am
mood: nostalgicnostalgic
music: Garbage - Sleep Together

1. Jose Cuervo: Especial Gold Tequila
For Florida, it was pretty damn cold outside. If I wanted to talk to her though, that's where I had to stay I realized, After several complaints from my... "roomates" about keeping it down at night. I was really feeling the distance of the relationship, and conversation topics were running thin. I kept asking her to tell me things about her, but after a brief response, somehow the responsibility of talking always found it's way back to me. So, I took a risk: I told her some of the more personal things I was interested in, in excruciating detail. By the end of that conversation she should have known her way around Sigil, which faction she would sign up for if she was there, how to get to Gehenna from Baator, the fastest ways to piss off The Lady, and the most effective ways to change the shape of the multiverse. She should have known the thirteen clans, the approaching signs of Gehenna, not to mess with The Prince, and how to perform an embrace. After it was all over and done with, I was so satisfied that she listened to the whole thing and still didn't think I was a total freak. The next day we were talking and she confessed, "...Actually... I fell asleep."

2. Jagermeister: Herbal Liqueur
"Promise me that you will spend the night with me tonight."
"Promise me that you will spend the summer with me."
"Promise me... please."
Of all the promises... she didn't keep one, not a single one.

3. Rumple Minze: Peppermint Liqueur
"It's not that I'm a bitch," I kept telling myself, "I'm just really patient and understanding." The lies that I tried to convince myself of only served as kindling in the fire of unfettered hatred that I felt towards her at that moment. How could she do this to me... again? I looked up and our eyes locked for a moment. Her's full of confusion and... "innocence," and mine full of pain and anger. And then she spoke: "Go ahead," she said daringly. Startled by her sudden participation in the conversation, not to mention her tone, I looked up again like a wounded animal. "Go ahead," she repeated, "hit me. I know you want to." That statement took the wind out of me. How could she say that, all I ever thought about was her well-being, I could never hit her, what was she thinking? And the way she said it, like I had done it so many times before.

4. Bacardi: 151 Rum
We were getting back together, I knew it. I didn’t care about anything that happened in our past anymore because since we were apart I knew she had been thinking about it. I knew she had finally come to her senses and realized that what we had was special. I was supposed to meet her at work, a little coffee/hookah bar, and I could barely contain myself in anticipation for the designated appointment time. When I showed up though, she wasn’t there, and all my fears cascaded around me. Nothing had changed, she didn’t give a damn. I called her, she was just across the street, hanging out with her friends… I had been taken for a fool, yet again. I called her a bitch and she called me an asshole, but I wasn’t satisfied. I drove over there and walked right up to her and cursed her. I created a huge spectacle in front of everyone, and I didn’t give a damn.

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Oct. 3rd, 2008 | 05:35 am
mood: tiredtired
music: Weezer

Lately I've been talking to one of my ex-girlfriends. Even after I broke her heart she did me a big favor, years ago, and now she's completely buried the hatched and we can actually talk as friends... and not just friendly conversation either. I'm shocked at how amiable she is towards me. It's such a relief to be able to talk to a girl that I don't have ulterior motives with... or one that has ulterior motives on me, and it's nice to be able to actually have a conversation with a girl who's intelligent, supportive, and good intentioned. I haven't met a girl like that since Kris.

I'm playing LOTRO for free for the next couple days :p

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Oct. 3rd, 2008 | 02:54 am
music: Disturbed - Inside the Fire

-I'm planning on moving back home in a month, I have to go over there about 1/week anyways for technical support
-New Colonization came out: Firaxis.Com
-I'm trying to write short fiction...again... I would feel accomplished if I can get published in a magazine for some emo story :p

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